Coping with an Affair
One of the themes often raised in the couples work that I do, with both heterosexual and same-sex couples is the issue of affairs.
Often a couple will arrive, one angry and blaming, one guilty. For the person who has been betrayed there can often be a sense of hurt, anger and bewilderment – how can this have happened? And for the person who has had the affair there is often a sense of guilt, confusion and defensiveness.
Different types of affairs require different responses and my aim is to work with you to find out what has caused the affair and what will lead to healing between you.
I have spent 20 years working with couples and individuals who have struggled with affairs.
Often an affair is a symptom and my aim will be to resolve the real problems underlying the affair. Sometimes an affair is a way of avoiding either conflict or intimacy.
Many have gone on to turn the relationships around and have gone on to have more satisfying connections. No two affairs are the same and so I work with you in a way that is right for you and your personal experience. If the relationship is to end I will support a healthy ending.
In my experience it is often an individual decision as whether to stay together after an affair. There is no right or wrong. Some people feel the pain is too much and end the relationship. Others want to explore the relationship and what has gone wrong and make a decision after therapy. Some feel there is too much to lose; history together, perhaps children, and want to find a way to make the relationship stronger.
I offer a safe space in which to explore all of these issues and to find a way forward.